Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Where and when - tell me now please

I feel like I'm breaking away out of this circle that I've been in for a long time now. I like it. And at the same I start feeling the weight of some of the choices and consequences that might lie ahead.

I'm sure I got more out of Conference than I would have if I hadn't written down some questions before. It helped me personalize the talks - it felt like a lot of things that were said were somehow related or an answer to the questions I'd put down earlier. The extra focus made me see things I don't think I would have seen otherwise. I'd like to say that I did it on purpose - truth is, I just happened to organize my mind a bit before being exposed to the overdose of stories, teachings, counsels and truths that is called Conference. Very cool.

So maybe I don't need to know beforehand whether or not change is possible. I was thinking 'begin with the end in mind'. I still support that, but feel I was not focused on the right end before. The destination is eternal life, not overcoming homosexuality. I should find out if that is a goal that can be reached. If it is, then somewhere along that journey we will lose or put behind us anything that keeps us away from it. Exactly where or when does not really matter then.

Still, since I don't have my eyes set on eternity all the time, it'd be nice to get a better idea of what the possibilities are while in this life. If some things are not possible, then I don't want to be frustrated trying to get them anyway. And if some things are possible, then I should work at wanting them bad enough to put forth the necessary effort.

I guess I'm saying maybe I don't need to know, but oh, it'd be so nice :)


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