Speaking unexpected truth
I was on a trip with some friends once. This one day we were on the busiest train ever, and everybody got off the train at the same station we did. So picture a large crowd of people, moving slowly along the platform towards the exit. Somehow my friends got ahead of me and I was sort of trailing behind, waiting for the crowd to disperse enough to catch up with the others again.
In front of me there's this guy that has my attention. A few other people in between, but when he looks around to watch the crowd, I see him noticing me too. He slows down, almost subtle enough to make it look like a casual thing. Then he's next to me and he starts talking. Just chitchat, where are you from, how do you like our country, (again i must have stood out as the foreigner...), all very innocent and very nice I must say. We have about two minutes or so till we get out of the train station where normally we'd be heading in different directions. My friends must have not missed me because they're still nowhere in sight. While we're still walking, my new local friend then completely catches me off guard by motioning towards a public restroom, telling me he's going there and asking me to come along with him and saying let's go. Realizing what he is really suggesting, I say "I can't, I am here with friends".
I can't, I am here with friends.
I so should have said I was not interested. I should have felt I was not interested. But my first reaction to his unexpected move made me realize that apparently somewhere in my mind acting out had become an option. It was an eye opener. Now I was dealing with something different than I had been up until then.
Even without people waiting for me, I still wouldn't have gone with him. The idea was way too far off of what I thought myself capable of doing. He mumbled something like OK, that's cool, have a good one, and we went seperate ways.
Funny thing is that up until today this random person, who I know nothing about, is the only person in the world from whom I've not hidden the fact that I am attracted to men.
In front of me there's this guy that has my attention. A few other people in between, but when he looks around to watch the crowd, I see him noticing me too. He slows down, almost subtle enough to make it look like a casual thing. Then he's next to me and he starts talking. Just chitchat, where are you from, how do you like our country, (again i must have stood out as the foreigner...), all very innocent and very nice I must say. We have about two minutes or so till we get out of the train station where normally we'd be heading in different directions. My friends must have not missed me because they're still nowhere in sight. While we're still walking, my new local friend then completely catches me off guard by motioning towards a public restroom, telling me he's going there and asking me to come along with him and saying let's go. Realizing what he is really suggesting, I say "I can't, I am here with friends".
I can't, I am here with friends.
I so should have said I was not interested. I should have felt I was not interested. But my first reaction to his unexpected move made me realize that apparently somewhere in my mind acting out had become an option. It was an eye opener. Now I was dealing with something different than I had been up until then.
Even without people waiting for me, I still wouldn't have gone with him. The idea was way too far off of what I thought myself capable of doing. He mumbled something like OK, that's cool, have a good one, and we went seperate ways.
Funny thing is that up until today this random person, who I know nothing about, is the only person in the world from whom I've not hidden the fact that I am attracted to men.
posted by iovan at 1:41 PM
3 Comments:
good story - it is definately interesting when things like that happen. I've only been 'hit on' about 4 times, two of which were in Oregon and I was totally protected by Heavenly Father, because by nature I'm a really shy person, so although I had the opportunity - my shyness diverted the opp....and the other times, one the guy wasn't good looking so it wasn't a problem, and the last time the shyness kicked in as well....so...yea...sometimes, we are protected in different ways (like friends waiting for you) but life, your testimony, your sense of self and sense of adventure definately come into jeapordy really quickly.......its craziness....
"I can't, I am here with friends."
That, my friend, is a very profound statement. How grateful you should be that you had friends to rely on in a moment when you might otherwise have been weak. What a blessing it is that we don't have to walk our paths alone. Thank you for posting this--it really made me think--and I'm grateful to you.
You know, I've had situations like that (but not like that ... it was the opposite gender trying to give me the french cheek kiss, but you get the picture.) I stammered something like, we don't do that, we're American, when really, I couldn't kiss a hot girl as a missionary!
So I think it's just that you grabbed the first excuse NOT to and flung it at the man. I wouldn't think anything further of it.
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