Just once

Yesterday was a rough day. Everything was ok, and yet nothing was. Church was nice, hung out with some people after church which was fun, and yet I came out feeling alone and out of place. Just this feeling that nobody really cared. I was tired too, that never helps.

So many times I've told myself that if I could just hold a guy once, or kiss a guy once, then I would know how it was and I could move on. Just once, and then on to never having to do it again, because I'd know what it was. I felt like that yesterday.

One of the speakers in the April Conference said 'The adversary will have very little power to tempt you with things that you have never touched'.

If the temptation to cross lines that I haven't crossed is already this big, then I don't think I could resist the tempation to cross the same line again once I've crossed it once. Unless it turns out that holding a guy doesn't do anything for me of course :-).

It is so wise. It sounds so easy. It feels so unfair. Why am I not willing to submit.

The big picture is what I need to see.

This is one I should remember, so I'd better write it down:

Pres. Kimball (quoted in this week's priesthood/relief society lesson): 'As I study the story of the Redeemer and his temptations, I am certain he spent his time fortifying himself against temptation rather than battling with it to conquer it.'

The best way to fortify ourselves against temptation is focusing on doing good. If I spend all my time thinking about how I'm going to give up my bad habits, then that focus just about puts the tempation right there in my face. Christ suffered temptations, but 'gave no heed unto them'. The key is to stop temptation at the very beginning, when it's still small and weak. I almost have to laugh at how easy that sounds :-)

It is a constant battle. But it can be a battle to do good instead of a battle not to do evil.