Monday, May 21, 2007

Just once

Yesterday was a rough day. Everything was ok, and yet nothing was. Church was nice, hung out with some people after church which was fun, and yet I came out feeling alone and out of place. Just this feeling that nobody really cared. I was tired too, that never helps.

So many times I've told myself that if I could just hold a guy once, or kiss a guy once, then I would know how it was and I could move on. Just once, and then on to never having to do it again, because I'd know what it was. I felt like that yesterday.

One of the speakers in the April Conference said 'The adversary will have very little power to tempt you with things that you have never touched'.

If the temptation to cross lines that I haven't crossed is already this big, then I don't think I could resist the tempation to cross the same line again once I've crossed it once. Unless it turns out that holding a guy doesn't do anything for me of course :-).

It is so wise. It sounds so easy. It feels so unfair. Why am I not willing to submit.

The big picture is what I need to see.


Blogger Kengo Biddles said...

Iovan, I've been thinking the same thing the last few days, but let me tell you this.

To this day, I'm tempted by alcohol. I wish that I had never, ever tasted any of it.

Find ways to get to the big picture, is all I can suggest.

5/21/2007 7:41 PM  
Blogger epadavito said...

you have some really good principles going there. Its good to catch what the prophets say becaue it is God talking to us directly

5/24/2007 10:44 AM  
Blogger Jacob Mathews said...

Just know that I and many other out there in the blogosphere care about you.

5/28/2007 6:29 PM  
Blogger Forester said...

Does it start with a touch, or can we be healed with a touch? Part of me believes that if men were more touching and close, our greatest need would be fulfilled. I think there are many of us who don't really need the sex part. What we really long for is to be close, to be understood, to share our lives with other men. I think that is the way it was really meant to be. The American culture of staying an arms lenght away is bizarre to me.

7/08/2007 7:45 PM  

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