December resolutions

When I told my friend about my SSA, everything sort of changed. Before, I kind of felt that I would somehow work my way through it and when I would have learned what I needed to learn, my feelings would change and I would move on and get married.

Teling someone made it very definite. It no longer felt like something temporary or something I struggled with. Now it was something that seemed part of me. There was no longer an escape. I could never deny it anymore, since someone knew the truth. Immediately after the rush of finally having told someone was over, I felt this change. Very overwhelming. Luckily for me, my friend was very supportive and totally cool about everything.

A few months later, things haven't changed much. Sometimes I feel like I might as well give up trying and settle for less. Little faith or hope. But this lack of direction is becoming more and more frustrating and so I intend to do something about it. Build up some spirituality again.

I'm writing this down so there's no longer an escape not to do it. Telling all of you makes it definite.